The Scary Beginning of Childcare
It’s possibly the worst thing in the world when you turn around and leave a crying baby who wants only to cuddle you. That was us this morning, the baby was at her third settle at nursery for her imminent start tomorrow. The first two were not happy times, for her or us, so you can imagine my fear dropping her off for her longest yet. The first she was with us, as long as I was near everything was fine. The second, her dad dropped her off and she cried for a full hour. Makes you feel like a bad human.
Remembering back to my eldest, I don’t remember her crying this much, but she was more used to being with grandparents alone for full days while we worked long hours and our youngest definitely isn’t. So all of this is new.
Irrational or maybe rational fears flood your head when they say, she’ll just eat the same as your eldest……eh right. Our baby hardly eats anything, has only really started finger food and my fear of choking came into play straight away. Don’t get me wrong, I mash her meals to make it easier, but very much give her whole bananas, bits of meat, cheese and bread to eat, but something when they said they give them slices of apples and blueberries just gave me total and utter fear. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t give her these foods myself, but for someone else that doesn’t love her as much as I do give her them became a large issue as I was told the way the baby room worked. I was told they were absolutely irrational by my husband, and that they deal with hundreds of children, we must trust them. So we did.
So in the midst of my fear I got to have a date with my eldest which has been long overdue. We went for hot chocolate, we chatted rubbish, we people watched – just what we used to do from when she turned two…… to when the baby was born. It was lovely, she’s become such a nice, funny wee girl, telling me what she wants to do and as well as being silly and funny in the middle of hot chocolate. By the end of it she’s got the chocolatiest moustache in the world and the table next start laughing – this is great, she’s loving the attention.
We buy some magazines (that will be much to her dad’s dismay), as we’re not meant to be back at the nursery until after lunch, then go for a walk with the dog near her nursery. Walking, she’s telling me lots about what she does when she’s playing at nursery, she isn’t allowed in those holes over there as she’ll never get out. They are large holes in the grass from, it looks like from a cow lying down. She tells me she’ll definitely never get out, her nursery teach told her. I agree, yes, you’ll never get out….. or you’ll break your leg.. or something. No I’ll be there forever. Right.
Then we go and sit in the car for fifteen minutes with our magazines, a calming fifteen minutes when my fear started to creep back. She’ll probably be crying, should we go back sooner? We didn’t, we sat enjoying the time.
We walked in and she was being cuddled and carried by a lovely lady, she was red, puffy and tear stained; my heart sank. Then the manager of the room grabbed me before I picked her up, and showed me an array of pictures of her laughing and smiling and enjoying life with the other babies. What an amazing thing to do. I’m so glad they showed me, she was just tired and confused, but as time goes by at least I know she laughs. If she laughs life is ok.