Sometimes it's OK if the Whole Restaurant Hates You.

Sometimes you are the people that you used to look at with disgust and think “that will never be me!” Never say never though, you can’t control other people, and that’s exactly what your children are, other people. They may have your genes, but they sure as hell have their own minds and personalities and you wouldn’t wish any less. But again when you’re trying to reason with these massively unreasonable people in front of a large audience, most of whom probably haven’t dealt with such unreasonable people before, you feel a bit shit.

So having a lovely meal in a full restaurant with friends it starts. It starts with her grabbing something that wasn’t hers after having been asked for the third time not to do what she was doing as it was upsetting the other child on the table, we decided it was time to go. She was on the edge, had had a tiring couple of days and we had a feeling this was a volcano just about to erupt, we grabbed the bags while she screamed and moaned and made for our escape. We obviously told her that because she was so naughty there was no chocolate ice cream, but if she was good later she’d get something nice.

Sometimes you wish you could take your words back.

This was obviously as parents decisions go, definitely the worst decision we could have made. The volcano erupted, possibly 10 times as much as it might have had she had the ice cream, but we had to stick to our guns, the decision was made. My husband had her flailing body in his arms following me downstairs to the baby changing area. I put the baby down, realised it was a whole outfit change we needed; baby screaming, 4yr old screaming, I looked at my husband and got the most incredible fit of the giggles. I couldn’t stop. When did this become our life.

Our friend heard where we’d gone and came to tell us that no matter where we were in this building, everyone could hear this insanity. My husband saw a fire escape and literally jumped out the door and headed for the car leaving me with the smaller one, the one that you could understand would cry for no reason.

Laughing or crying

As I ran to the car, stressed that the baby had cried her full way through the change, I started giggling uncontrollably again. Strapping the baby in screaming, looking across at my bucking 4 year old screaming “CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW!” I was still laughing. She stared at me, willing me to stop laughing, but what can you do when you’re faced with such an unreasonable person. Gut instinct tells you to laugh. I’m probably not winning the parent of the year by admitting that, but you’re still human.

For another half an hour on the motor way all we could hear were the walrus wales of “chocolate ice cream” until she folded over in a tantrumed out stupor.

“What was that?” I ask.

That, is a child.

Luckily it’s inbuilt for us to love this child no matter what.

Always be prepared to deal with any eventuality if you decide to bring a child / have a child at all, be prepared in your mind. Although when completely unprepared giggling does seem to make things better for your sanity.

Sometimes it’s fine if the WHOLE restaurant hates you, because kids are part of life. Other people just have to deal with it.