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Musing Friendships

Again I’m joining the musing, friends  have always been important to me. I’ve always cared a lot, sometimes too much. Although I’ve made more friends than I’ve lost so I suppose it’s ok. Actually thinking about it, I haven’t lost any friends, just grown apart. It may be viewed differently from those that I’ve grown apart from, as sometimes when life changes, people don’t and the realisation that I hadn’t been to any invitations in the past year and a half or more must have been a bummer. As such the invitations from some groups have stopped flowing, and I thank it. I don’t think living like I used to is even an option. As I get older I realise the importance of the friends that have stuck around after the children, mom friends and having a partner that is your friend.

I think perhaps before I had my eldest that I had too many friends, but I was still youngish. A few really good ones that are still there, but a lot that I only met “for a drink” or “for a party”. This never bothered me when I lived in the middle of the city as a student or working, some of these people were best friends at this time, but as time went by, the friendship didn’t grow or expand, it just stayed stagnant. After I had my daughter, these groups drifted and that’s ok. Things change. I was the first out of any of my friends, even older friends, to have children and it was a life changing thing. For a while I tried to live the life I’d been living before children, but with a baby on tow it didn’t really work out well. As I mentioned, I just drifted, I declined every invitation “for drinks” and finally I’d drifted far away. It sometimes makes me sad to have lost such good friends, but if a friendship can’t evolve with life then it’s not worth keeping. We’ll always be friends on facebook and I love seeing them happy and doing well, I’m the first person to “like” what each is up to as I genuinely do like it, but it doesn’t change the fact that what I can offer now is minimal.

Talking about online friendships, I started my Instagram account and blog because I didn’t think my old colleagues and various people I’ve met through life would like me to post everyday moaning/loving/cursing life/children/animals, although since I’ve started I’ve met a few lovely people. Although we’re not friends in the normal sense of the word, I feel like I’m cheered on much more by them than I am in real life sometimes and it’s brilliant. Its like my little account of positivity.

The friends that have stuck with it through motherhood and life are awesome. Even if I have the kids with me they’re my escape. We chat often, laugh a lot and it’s great. I look forward to seeing them. The friendship changes to whatever each person needs it to be. Even through that I’ve made new friends that have become almost as good as the old and again fitted into life easily and amazingly. I look for kindness most of all, but you’ve got to have fun. Lately it’s been a lot about positivity with various things going wrong in life and it does pay to be more positive in life.

My latest friendships that have made such a difference to my life and mental health are mum friends. It’s just so good to meet some like minded parents that you can just moan at and laugh with. Its such a relief to meet people going through the same things as you and finding it the same as you did, it relaxes you and makes you feel like you’re not completely mental after all.

I do think that you can and should end a friendship when it goes stale or when it becomes difficult. When it brings you down and when it drains you is the perfect time. I think that a friendship has to be two sided and it must go both ways, if it stops or looking back never has been then just drift away from it. Maybe it will fix itself, people change, maybe not.

It’s so hard to make friends when you’re an adult, so I’m glad that I’ve made a few good ones. Especially a few neighbours, which makes things nicer being around where you live. Kids just go up and stare at someone until they make friends, with adults it’s so much harder. Sizing someone up to see if they will like your weirdness or if they will think you’re too much, that’s the usual thoughts that go through your head, although not so much anymore. I’m at the stage that it’s nice to get on with people, it’d be nice to be friends with everyone, but it’s just never going to happen. So really they can take me or leave me and vice versa I suppose. I’ve got this far with a fantastic group of people around me. I’m interested in positivity and niceness, why does it all have to be bad? And why do you have to be unkind? 

 

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Kate on thin ice

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